The short answer is, yes, of course looks matter when you are searching for your marriage partner. However, it is all about the mindset and approach to it. Have you ever been attracted to someone and then you did not like their personality so, you then they became unattractive very quickly? Attraction is not just physical; it is mental and emotional too.
Deciding to take things further or marry someone based on looks alone, can be a big risk. Similarly, if you turn someone down because there was no immediate spark, can mean you may be missing out on something great.
A spark is just that, a fleeting feeling that happens as soon as your meet someone. But, say that person did not match your mental or emotional needs, would you continue? Or if you found someone moderately looking, but they met your emotional and mental needs, would you give them a chance?
These are the questions you must ask yourself. Of course, we don’t know the answer and the only way is to try and get to know someone and find out what they are really like. But what sadly tends to happen is most people will not give anyone a chance that they are not fully attracted too. We must remember attraction comes in all different forms; you may not be attracted but this can be because you haven’t gotten to know their attractive side. In one meeting how can you fully know someone’s story?
Looks play an important role, but do not pass by the perfect person for you just because you were not 100% attracted initially. We as Muslim Matchmakers in the UK, have seen thousands of cases where a couple has met, there was basic attraction, they gave each other a chance and it grew. When it grows it stays and becomes strong, a spark can fade very quickly.
We actually met a couple of a few days ago that we had matched and both were extremely happy with each other, Alhumdulillah.
I remember when this couple first met each other very clearly. After their first meeting, it was not a straightforward yes. I remember the man having a concern that his match was not is ‘type’ looks wise. As a team we felt strongly before introducing them that they had a lot in common and would fit into each other’s life well.
Our advice was, if there is no attraction, then do not go further. If there is more than 33% attraction, then this is a great starting point. We always advise 33% Mental Attraction, 33% Emotional Attraction and 33% Physical Attraction. The choice was completely his to decide what he wished to do.
He decided to have a second meeting with her, the second meeting revealed things he did not know about her, the similarities they shared their humour was on a similar level and at the end of the night he called us and said she has become more attractive to him.
Our team were very happy to hear this as giving someone a chance to meet again can really determine your whole search for your life partner.
Not every situation will be like this, but they do exist. Don’t be your own barrier in finding your own happiness. Key is to remember, never force yourself, if you are not feeling it then do not proceed getting to know someone.
Giving yourself a change at finding your marriage partner will only benefit you and help you learn about yourself along the way.
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