“And it is among His signs that He has created for you wives from among yourselves, so that you may find tranquillity in them, and He has created love and kindness between you. Surely in this there are signs for a people who reflect”. (Qur’an 30:21)
Modern-day living has become so much busier, and young professionals in the UK seemingly are finding it harder and harder to balance work, life and finding a partner. You may have heard the terms: Time-starved, cult of busyness or overwork culture. We feel like we’re “pressed for time,” that there’s “not enough time in the day,” and that we are “running out of time.” However, some wear busyness as a badge of honour, a trendy status symbol to show importance, value, or self-worth in our fast-paced society.
Do you feel at times, your life is too busy to find a spouse? If yes, you’re not alone. I own a Muslim Matchmaking Service in London that works with Muslim professionals throughout the UK.
I often hear from the individuals who contact us that they don’t have the time to find a spouse. In London, weekends have been described as “precious” and solely for friends and family as during the week is overcome by work and responsibilities. The fast-paced and busy lifestyle has made it increasingly difficult to meet someone if they do not currently run within their daily circles and maybe not even then. Begging the question, where does one go or find the time to find a partner?
Despite having access to lots of people, speaking to someone for marriage isn’t the easiest. Some simply do not cross paths with other Muslims. I have found many people have waited for five sometimes seven years thinking they will meet someone buy chance, either at work or university. The percentage of people who meet people on an off chance and actually get to know them for marriage is extremely low.
This sort of thinking can be dangerous for individuals to expect. I always say you must put yourself in a position where you increase your chances of meeting someone. When we ask individuals, on average, how many people a year do you meet face to face? The answer is usually 3-5 per year. That is a shocking rate.
We introduce clients to at least one, but mainly multiple quality matches monthly. When you sustain this level of meeting quality people, your chances of finding success will, of course, increase.
Ramadan, time for Reflection
Ramadan is the month of fasting and is one of the five pillars of Islam. The essence of Ramadan can be summed up in one word… Taqwa (God consciousness). “O you who believe! Fasting is prescribed to you as it was prescribed to those before you, that you may attain taqwa” (Qur’an 2:183).
Reflection is the lamp of the heart, if it departs, the heart will have no light. Much of God-consciousness is based on reflection, which is essential for spiritual growth “Whosoever knows himself knows his Lord.” Moreover, “God does not change people’s condition unless they change their inner selves” (Quran 13:11).
Working in the Muslim marriage world, we at Personal Match UK (PMUK) often hear the timeless words of our Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings upon him, who said “Whoever marries has achieved one half of one’s religion.”
Ramadan is a time for taqwa, self-sacrifice of desires and reflection. During these days of Covid-19 and isolation. It is the perfect time for reflecting upon the rest of the year. Use this time within Ramadan to connect with Allah (swt) and reflect on your journey looking for a partner.
Consider asking yourself:
- What you want to achieve and how you wish to achieve it.
- What’s stopping you right now from finding your life partner?
- With the number of people you are currently meeting, is this sustainable to find your partner in the coming year? Moreover, are they suitable candidates for you?
- Understand what your wants and needs are (yes, they are different).
- Understand what you can offer a partner.
- Reflect upon your (true) values and what values you wish for in a partner, essentially look past the surface and understand what attributes you look for in someone rather than paper criteria.
Once Eid has passed, we generally see a lot of applications coming in with individuals looking to enquire. Why is this?
Because many of those who have reflected, and in their reflection, often realign their priorities. Moving away from ‘busyness’ and focus on the important things such as looking for a partner. Ramadan allows you to slow down and really evaluate your life. The following quote from Hadith sums it up perfectly.
“Tie your camel first, and then put your trust in Allah.”
You can not only do one or the other; you must pray and ask Allah (swt) to bring forward the best partner for you; however, you must actively seek them out also. You simply cannot expect your partner to land on your doorstep with minimal effort. Meeting different people who are quality matches and understanding yourself and what you need in the process will go a long way to reaching your goal of finding a partner.
Not all avenues are promising avenues but if it works for you, then stick with it. If you are not happy with the current way or speed in which you are looking for a partner, research and learn what other options are out there to not waste your precious time on the wrong people when you might actually be matched in that time.
If you have been thinking there needs to be a change in direction in your search for a partner and need some support, feel free to contact my team or me. We would happily chat an initial chat. We can run through how our process works and answer any questions you may have.
Personal Match UK