If you live in London right now or any other major city in the UK you’ll, already know how difficult it can be to find your marriage partner. There is a growing difficulty for anyone looking to meet someone the halal way, but why does it have to be that way, why in a major city is there such a huge amount of the Muslim population struggling to meet the right people?
Being a single Muslim and looking for a partner isn’t the easiest, but you can certainly find your life partner, you just must know where to look. When I speak to my Muslim clients, majority are from London and the surrounding areas, I have found that there seems to be a pattern that a lot of people get lost in. They look for a Muslim partner on and off, they will speak to people through social media, apps or through families and never really progress, but this is because they are not sure themselves what they truly need and want. They will Want a life partner but not know what they Need for that to happen.
This is what you need to do
- Actively decide that you are searching for a Muslim marriage partner and don’t take large breaks in between. Being consistent is key, of course, you can take a small break if you feel it is getting too much for you but that shouldn’t happen if your meeting quality people. What tends to happen is, you will meet lots of the wrong people, get exhausted and then not return to your search for a while or speak to people online infrequently and not really get anywhere, which only builds more frustrations with the process of finding someone.
- Find the correct avenue for you. This is crucial because you must look at what kind of person you are looking for, then ask yourself, would that person be where you are looking? For example, if you are looking for someone committed and serious, then you need to look where you think that person would be. Let’s look at the common avenues Muslims in the UK use when they are looking for a spouse, Online Apps such as Muzmatch or Single Muslim, social media mainly Instagram, matching events, family introductions and marriage services. So, most likely you have or are using one of these avenues, re-evaluate what is best for you and what will save you the most of your valuable time.
- Don’t spend weeks or months of your time speaking to one person, especially if it is online. Get to know different people, this will allow you to understand which person is better suited to you sooner. Once you and the person you are communicating with both have agreed you it is leading to marriage and you wish to introduce families, at these points stop meeting others and give this person your full attention as it has shown to be a real option. I have found so many people think, “I’m currently talking to someone, so I shouldn’t meet anyone else”. If I’m honest, in my years of experience, shutting down opportunities is never a good choice. If you’re speaking to someone for a few weeks and haven’t met their family then this is not guaranteed, break downs happen majority of the time in the first 3 months of communication. If 3 months has passed, you should be planning on introducing your families and at those points giving each other your full time and attention.
- Don’t compare yourself to others, in major cities, London especially. It can get very easy to be sucked into comparing your own life to what you see. Remember not everything is as it seems, your journey is your own and specific to you. To get through this and out the other end healthily you must remember your own value. Many people can become mentally effected when they see friends, family or peers settling down and having children. Everyone will show the great things in their life but never the hardships so don’t assume life is easy for others. We all have our challenges and whilst we make dua to Allah swt we must also take the correct steps ourselves.
Ultimately it all comes down to knowing exactly what you want and knowing what it takes to get there. Investing in yourself is the best form of investment and to see real change you must take the first step and make it happen. I work daily with many Muslims’ in London who are looking for marriage. I fully understand the struggles involved so coming out of the cycle you may be in right now is important for you as it will save you years in finding the one for you.