If you are a divorced or have recently come out of a broken relationship, I completely understand how you feel. Getting over someone that was once the most important person for you isn’t easy, especially if you are a South Asian Muslim (in London or anywhere else), as there is little or no support for you in these situations.
When things didn’t work out as you planned it can throw you off and leave you wondering what’s next, followed by insecurities, questions and many uncertainties. It can actually affect you for a long time if left unresolved and your feelings cannot be brushed under the rug.
In fact, it’s actually very healthy for you to feel and process everything that has happened during that time.
You may or may not be aware that your past experience can have something to do with moving on and finding someone new. Something I like to talk about is ‘shedding’ or ‘detoxing’ from your past relationships. Sounds strange but it’s all about getting rid of all the negative effects that you carry with you.
So, you might be wondering what can you do to heal and move forward and meet new people in a heathy and much more effective way?
Some of the points I discuss with my clients in order to support them are;
- Breaking unhealthy habits; which is basically all about helping you change the perspective and how you see your previous partner, allowing you to find closure.
- Self-reflection; which is a massive tool to seek strength in your own abilities in order to move forward.
- Leaving your baggage behind; which supports you looking at your past relationship as an experience and learning from it.
Jumping in with two feet and meeting new single muslims doesn’t solve anything unless you have processed and understood what you have gone through.
This will only lead to further upset and disappointment. It is important to take your time and take the next step to meeting someone fresh when you feel ready to. It will lead to you feeling more energised and content to move forward. It will also give you a much clearer perspective of who you are looking for in a future muslim life partner – your previous relationship will have revealed to you what is important to you – and what isn’t important.
There are two types of examples;
A now single, Muslim and looking for a marriage partner that allows what has happened to affect them every day and unknowingly puts a barrier in between them and other people when they try to get to know someone new for marriage. Soon enough their mind goes back to their past relationship and try to work out what went wrong. This is because they have not processed what has happened to them in order to fully move on. Ultimately, they become stuck in a cycle of meeting people and It never going anywhere and they can’t figure out why which adds to their stresses.
The second person will still be affected, they most likely have changed as a person because of their experience. However, they will use their past experience as a lesson and learn from what has happened in order to ensure this does not happen again. The second person has self-reflected and has good understating as to what has happened to them and a clear vision for the future. Meeting new people becomes exciting again and they look are each situation with a fresh perspective. They also don’t allow themselves to waste their time on the wrong people for them.
Mostly when you have a breakup, if you heal and work on yourself, you end up coming out of that relationship knowing yourself much better. When you meet your life partner, you will have a relationship where the baggage doesn’t weigh you down and you can fully move on and be happy once again.
Nadia