Marriage: A word that brings a mixture of hope, fears and dreams into everyone’s minds. A lot of people think about finding the right spouse and living the “happily ever after” life, not many people think about the importance of asking some crucial questions to see if the person is truly compatible with them or not before signing the nikkah.
Although asking a few set of questions will not give you a complete picture about the person, it will surely help you assess whether you both are on the same page or not when it comes to certain significant matters that could fall into a “no-compromise” category when it comes to marriage.
If you are wondering what type of questions to ask or where to begin, read on:
- How religious are they and their family? Do they pray five times a day?
- What is their relationship with the Quran? Do they read the Quran every day? Do they read the Quran with meaning?
- How do they spend their free time (watching movies / listening to songs or do they enjoy listening to Islamic lectures and increase their deen knowledge)?
- Are their Islamic ideologies the same as yours or do they have different believes and practices when compared to yours?
- How do they make important decisions? Do they rely on advice from friends and relatives or do they turn to Allah to seek guidance or is it a mixture of both?
- How do they spend their money?
- Do they give money in charity or is it just a onetime affair that takes place in Ramadan?
- How do they deal with a crisis?
- Do they have anger issues?
- What triggers them to lose their temper and how do they get over it?
- What are your expectations of your spouse after marriage?
- Do they have any illness or health issue?
- Do they smoke or drink?
- What are their short term and long term goals – deen wise and dunya wise?
- Has he performed Hajj? What are his plans of taking you for hajj/umrah after marriage?
- Would he pitch in to help his wife with household chores?
- What are his views on women’s education?
- What are his views on women going out to work?
- Would he be staying with his parents after marriage or would he be staying with his wife in a separate house?
- Does he practice polygamy?
It is important to remember that every single marriage comes with its own set of ups and downs, and although asking these questions will not make the marriage a smooth sailing experience, it’ll surely help you assess the qualities of the other person, helping you decide if you would like to live with them for the rest of your life or not.
Above all, don’t forget these essential steps:
- Make loads of dua
- Beg Allah to help you find the person who will keep you happy and content
- A person who will remind you of Allah in times of ease and hardship
- A person who will keep you upon the deen when you falter
- And help you strive for the akhirah
May Allah help all our single brothers and sisters find a spouse who is the coolness of their eyes and complete half their deen.