Asalaam’Alaikum! This week, and for the next five days leading up to the 27th night, we will be exploring six themes behind the factors that affect choosing a spouse that’s right for you.
Today, we’re looking at age – something that plays a massive role in deciding whether or not you are ready for marriage. Age can also be a factor that influences compatibility and long term goals. This article will try to explore all of those aspects, to the best of my ability.
When considering age, we have to consider the two types of ages that are being referred to:
- Actual age
- Mental age
Actual age is one of the biggest factors that people consider. Whether this is better for people in the long-term is debatable, however the reality is that most people marry after a certain age and/or look for someone within their prefered age bracket. For example, this means that in some cultures, women marry at a young age and men marry at a later age. Other cultures are vice versa. However, when choosing a spouse, it is important to consider your own age, the age of your potential spouse and most importantly, why it makes a difference. We will discuss the implications of marrying someone a lot younger/older later on.
Mental age refers more to the maturity and mannerisms of yourself and your potential spouse. Humans gain wisdom through experience and usually over the years, and so, depending on our experiences – we all learn certain lessons at different ages. Mental age is usually shaped by experiences and again, is different for everyone. Some people are young in actual age, but mature extremely quickly due to circumstances and/or environment, making them better candidates for marriage despite being young. However, some people learn “the hard way” and go through hardships during a young age, which means they mature a lot later on. There is no right or wrong. Everyone matures at their own rate – yet it is something to consider when looking for a spouse.
How do these factors affect choosing a partner? When you meet your potential spouse, it is important to discuss age. Many marriages are successful with large age gaps, some people marry someone who is the same age as them. It depends on the person and you – how well you work. Sometimes mental age impacts a person’s decision, however likeable and compatible someone may seem, if you’re not on the same wavelength, there will be problems. Here’s a few things to consider:
- What is our age gap? Does it make a difference?
- Is he/she mature enough despite their age?
- Does this person carry themselves well, despite their age?
- Is there anything about the person that indicates they’re not at the right age to marry?
- Do any of these factors change how I feel about potentially marrying this person?
As Muslims we look up to our role model Prophet Muhammad SAW – who married a divorced woman, many years older than his own age. What lessons can we take from this? If you marry someone significantly younger than you, is it so bad? Are you worried about what people will say if you marry a man/woman who is much older than you? Do you fear marrying someone because you’ve passed “the right age”? Remember that we plan, and Allah plans – surely His plans are better than ours. Find peace with where you are at. Take your time. Marriage is a life-long commitment, in this life and the next.
There’s no right or wrong way to go about it. At Personal Match, we are dedicated to finding you someone who matches your requirements and uniting you with someone who you may not have otherwise met. Not sure if you’re ready? Give our team a call for a free consultation and see if we can help you today!
Remember the power of dua, stay firm in your trust in Him. May He grant us all partners that become and remain the coolness of our eyes, the warmth of our hearts, Ameen.
Asalaam’Alaikum,
Haajarah Hussain